By Chad Alexander
Let’s try something a little different here. “Insurgent” and “Cinderella” are in theaters right now, but there really isn’t much that captures my attention as of yet. The blockbuster summer of 2015 is just around the corner, and I think now would be a great time to unleash my hideous secret.
Most who know me understand that I love B Movies (or they just generally tolerate that fact about me). I like to watch B Movies because I get of sense of what makes a great movie so great. I want to give
readers a countdown of my Top Five Hollywood B Movies. These are movies that have the “A” budgets, but deliver a “B” experience.
Before reading, let me say this: I like these movies a lot. This isn’t meant to be a tearing down of the films. View it more as a critique. Also, these movies are 20+ years old. I hope that this isn’t my nostalgia talking, but a genuine critical analysis of the film.
5: “Super Mario Bros.”
“Super Mario Bros” is barely on this list. It is a mishmash nightmare of a dystopian future, rules that never remain consistent (largely because of eight script rewrites), and a cast who would swill whiskey between takes.
If you look closely at the gaudy dinosaur world, you will notice some interesting key elements that are taken from the video games, such as a “Bullet Bills” shop. There’s also boots that help deliver Mario and Luigi’s trademark jump. Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo also do a fine job as the Mario Bros. That score from Alan Silverstri will also have you humming it for days. It’s upbeat, fun and lively. Other than that, the film can’t decide if it’s a sci-fi action film, a romance, a video game film, or just twaddle.
4: “Last Action Hero”
A family-friendly parody of big blockbuster flicks starring Arnold: what could go wrong? Apparently, a lot.
“Last Action Hero” is hammy. It stars a colorful crew of all types of actors—some good, some terrible, but everything is meant for laughs. Sometimes the laughs come through in a chuckle. Other times, I
cringe or groan.
The sound balances between an intense action flick and some interesting themes. It isn’t too loud or bombastic, but adventurous. The film also does a great job with its astronomical budget as the cinematography is consistent with big-budget films at that time, like “Terminator 2.” I can’t say much for the locations, since most of the film looks like it was shot in Los Angeles.
3: “Johnny Mnemonic”
Keanu Reeves stars as Johnny Mnemonic, a data carrier caught in a crossfire to get his brain-implanted data into the right hands. There’s quite a cast here: Udo Kier, Dolph Lundgren, and Ice-T (not that I’m
saying any of these guys deserve an Oscar). I wish I could say more about Brad Fiedel’s score here, but the focus is unfortunately on the ‘90s grunge soundtrack. The set design does a well enough job of
conveying a cyberpunk type of world before “The Matrix” was released.
Did I mention that there’s a cybernetically enhanced dolphin in the film?
2: “Street Fighter”
“Street Fighter,” a runaway arcade hit adapted into a film, is one of my favorites because of Raul Julia (“The Addams Family”). He makes you hate and love his tyrannical character of M. Bison so much. Raul just chews on the lines, delivering them with such grace. “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday…” Classic.
The rest of the film is a doozy; a constant climax without any resolution until the very end. And where is the fighting in this film? There certainly are no streets to be found, but all sorts of military combat and
random characters from the video games. The sets look like they were painstakingly crafted, and then some third unit director just quickly shot around them with some on-the-spot lighting.
1: “The Shadow”
“The Shadow” is the definition of a B Movie. It’s like watching a bug trying to swim back up the toilet while being flushed. It’s a struggle of a film that tries to be stylistic, cool and
compelling.
The film’s acting is ridiculous. Every line is delivered as if it is a punch line, where nothing is sacred or serious. Alec Baldwin does an alright job as The Shadow, making silly comments to thugs after
pummeling them. The delivery almost comes in as satirical—a reminiscing of the 1930s radio dramas.
Jerry Goldsmith’s score is amazing (one of my favorite superhero scores alongside “Batman” and “Superman”), and the sound is very well done. The set design is impeccable, as if the crew were
transported back to ‘30s. The cinematography also owes a great debt to its lighting, which incorporates noir overtones.
Thanks for indulging me in my obsession. I hope you have learned something, or at least gathered an interest to watch one of these on a rainy Saturday. Next week, I hope to be back with a ‘real’ review.
Read Chad’s other review’s.
Chad Alexander is a mild-mannered government contractor by day and a pretty normal sleeper by night. He has been dedicated to freelance writing for the last decade — writing scripts, short stories, and blogging in his spare time. He reads constantly, plays board games in his spare time, and enjoys a fine 20 oz of Cherry Coke whenever he’s feeling dangerous.
Editor’s Note: The views expressed by contributing writer’s are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Fredericksburg.Today.
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